However, I’m always wondering how you’re doing. I wake up, and I hate how stupid this sounds, you’re on my mind. I'm often reminded of how you look from my peripheral vision; with your kind eyes and concerned face.
Your sweet demeanor is contagious. I think of asking if you’re okay, if you’re happy, if you’re doing all the things you want to be doing. I think of asking which other things you like. I think of asking what geeky or nerdy thing you did today. You are so good and so nice and so "raw" and so real I want to kiss the kindness in some part of you. I want you to be loved in the exact way you love.
I am a play it cool girl. Until I met you. I tried to dismiss you as just another guy but you are beyond that --- you're smart, funny, fun, and sweet. And when I decide someone is interesting, I can’t let it go. I want to know all of them. I want to trace their insecurities back to roots and kiss the bruised spots.
But in spite of me finding you too cautious and perhaps uninterested at me, I just cannot. Even when I tell myself that maybe I'm just a girl in your long list of women known from this online dating app.
Maybe it was just really all about sex. Maybe we will never see nor hear (from) each other again). Maybe we will put up walls or someone will run, or it’s all in my head to begin with. All I know is that every time your name pops up in my screen, I want to know how your day is. And not for sake of small talk. I just want to know.
I'll miss you, J____. Scrap that, I miss you, J____. I miss being a "local" in your city. I miss being with you and listening to your stories, all of which you say with passion.
And in addition to that, I know you'll never like me "like me" but life is short and I just want to express how I feel. I may not be as hot nor as pretty as women you've been with but I think I'm not so bad.
Thank you for making this stay in your lovely city a whole lot more fun and meaningful.
★ Piper ★
