Pushing Portland

I rarely write about my emotional side not because I don't have one but simply because I try to resist acknowledging its existence. 

Recently, I met this incredible guy. I was in denial that he's amazing; after all, I met him in a dating site and nowadays, who would believe what people say in there. He was a bit slow in the beginning. He made me think whether he was actually interested or just being polite with me. Finally, I was able to speed up the pace and we finally communicated via a messaging app. Initially, I thought he was cocky so I was about to erase his name when I decided to send him another message until we finally spoke with each other on the phone.

Surprisingly, we hit it off quite well. Too well that I had to remind myself to slow it down. We had things in common apart from sex. He is smart, candid, real, and 'decent' too. My ideal guy, my type of guy. Too good to be true. And he cannot know this. He simply couldn't; he shouldn't. 

As always, I tried to see how he is. Tried to entice him with physical things and it worked fleetingly and then backfired. He's a keeper but there must be something wrong with him. There has to be. So on the date that I was also stressing out emotionally from supposedly friends, 'work', and other things, I pushed him away. Pushed him as far as I could. 

Sadly, it worked. 

I miss him and I am stupid.

 

★ Piper ★

_______-zoned

UPDATE: 

*typed on my phone as I was waiting for a bus last night*

Have you ever been friend-zoned? Seen zoned? Or all those other terms they use to connote you being placed in a specific, wholesome, non-romantic, or even non-sexual category of someone you like or may potentially like?

How did you feel?
Did it suck? Did you feel terrible? Or you were just, okay, next?

Somehow it depends, right? It depends on the intensity of your "likeness" to that person. Sometimes it just boosts our ego if we "manage" to have someone like us even though we don't really like them that much. And sometimes, sadly, when you're used to it, it doesn't really matter any more. What else is new...

You just shrug it off and wait for the next one (if there'll ever be a new one...)

You're probably asking in your mind, what about you, Piper? Have you ever experienced rejection?

Of course! Most definitely so.

In fact, one of the guys I really like (and likes me as well) rejected my advances on going to the next level. It initially hurt me but then after my infatuation stage for him, I realized it's all for the better.

How fast do you "get over" the rejection? For me, it depends. The bottom line is, I tell myself, is that I get over it. I will not allow myself to be a slave of something that isn't meant to happen --- I have forcing things (unless I know and am aware the other person likes it that way).

One of the things I do is ignore the person. Yes, call it bitter or anything synonymous, that has worked for me. I wouldn't wanna waste my time thinking why Cute Guy didn't make a move on me. It's Cute Guy's loss not mine. Ever watched the movie, All About Love starring Ashton Kutcher and Amanda Peet? It's one of my favorite movies especially Peet's character. She kept on insisting to Ashton Kutcher's character how he didn't make the first move. That's what I try to do.

I try not to make a very aggressive move BUT I do something to show I'm interested. If it didn't work then I'll accept it and move on. At least, in my mind, no regrets.

Life is too short to live in, "What ifs" or "I wonder what could have happened..."

Life is what you make of it.

You have one chance.

No regrets.


Wishing you a safe weekend,

★ Piper ★

I'm a Slut, so What?

Read on before you judge :-) 

★ Piper ★ 

Slut shaming is alive and thriving. Whether it is a man or a woman calling out a female for being a ‘slut’, it is not acceptable. To judge a woman by her sexual activity and to decide she is not a wholesome person is to judge a book not by its cover, but by how many pages it contains. It makes no sense.

A book can be a great book, full of adventure and passion and creativity regardless of how many pages it contains. A short book is not necessarily a good book and a long book is not necessarily an awful book. This applies to women too. Too many people are too quick to decide a woman’s character by how they conduct themselves sexually.

Hook up culture is a huge part of our generation and in my humble opinion, it gives women the right to be sexually empowered, and so they should be! A woman who enjoys sex and chooses who with and when to have sex is not a bad person.

She is simply a human who is choosing to do with her body what she desires. It has no reflection on her character or her worth. It does not make her impure, but in fact preserves the purity of her character as she is acting in a way that is entirely her own.

Why are we so quick to brand a woman a slut, while we laugh about men who behave in the same fashion? What makes a woman a slut? Actually, what IS a slut?

This word should not exist in 2016. There is no need for it and there is no justification you can provide for calling a woman a slut. Are you jealous that she is being true to herself and her desires and you cannot?

The so-called sluts of the world are women who are comfortable and confident in themselves and their sexuality. They are unapologetic. They are their true selves and they should never be looked down upon for that.

Lastly, what business is it of yours who a woman sleeps with and how frequently? When did the sex lives of women become the right of the public to know? Short answer, a woman’s sex life is no ones goddamned business. Remember that next time you go to call a girl a slut – her sex life is not your concern and using the word ‘slut’ to identify her reflects more on your character than it does on hers.  

Reference: Read This If You've Ever Called A Woman A Slut by Jessica Cross (http://thoughtcatalog.com/jessica-cross/2016/11/read-this-if-youve-ever-called-a-woman-a-slut/)

Pain and Pleasure

This was made by a former lover of mine (he's a poet). Inspired by my giving him head --- whether that is something good or not, I don't know. Read on!

★ Piper ★ 

===========================================================================

Pain decided to show up just as me and pleasure got intimate

We were just hugging up a storm and pain decided to ruin it

Pain reared its ugly face grinning that grin of jagged teeth

And pleasure, well pleasure decided to speak

Dropping line after line, telling pain what it had on its mind

And I was all in pleasures brain, sitting comfortably

But pain just kept scratching the surface cause it made it happy

And I was caught in an uncomfortable situation unable to move

Waiting for that moment where me and pleasure get back to our groove

I was listening to them going back and forth, up and down

They had a whole conversation, and a lot of spit was flying around

And then out of nowhere we were stuck in the dark

Walking to find this invisible mark

That would help us get out of this maze we were in

But pain didn’t care about a damn thing

He just wanted to stay and bring his gifts of agony

Pains suck, but he has this way of reminding you of the happy

Pleasure was such a wuss, but pleasure wanted to keep trying

But pain and pleasure are just too good at lying

So I was listening intently, because I love the story being told

They would nibble on each word and every so often get bold

Chew on one or two and spit it out, while screaming I hate you, I love you

This conversation damn near drove me insane, but you can blame that on pain

The beauty of their sentences damn near gave me a seizure, but you can blame that on pleasure

I had to hold pleasure down, so pleasure could stop shaking

Pain got to pleasure, pleasure was close to breaking

But every time pleasure cracked, pain took a step back

Allowed it some time to rest and get back on track

Pain always shook pleasure up with metal that felt like a whip

Or at least that is what pleasure told me it felt like on the business end of it

But being caught between two enemies who rarely meet

Is hell in itself, to the point where their very words generate heat

And I was just laying there consoling myself

Lying to myself, promising me that this isn’t bad for my health

This is just an overdose of bad energy that will find its way through me

And return to that bad place where tears are born

And every little piece of hope is torn

And I don’t have to get sensitive nor feel as if every sense is stretched

Not feel as if every nerve is being tested or my skin is being scratched

I am in the middle of a meeting between pleasure and pain

I'm stuck between happiness and trying to stay sane

Pain and pleasure shouldn’t be this close

But pain is truly trying to get me to overdose

While pleasure is easing the bruises and massaging the scabs

All I am trying to do is keep from going mad

These two … I hope I never meet them at the same time again

I'm not sure if I can go through this stuff again

I need these two to stay away from one another

One of the two, one or the other

I need to counsel them to work together

I need their dialogue to be better

===========================================================================

Simply Exquisite

I agree with this statement wholeheartedly.

One of the first guys I met in this online dating site and only recently met with him. Such a delight to hang out with. Very nice and funny guy. I am thankful to have known you --- better late than never.

Take care!

★ Piper ★

Ass-loving Asshole Part 1

I have a backlog of posts but I decided to post this right now. 

Let's call him D.G. 

He's European and has only been here to where I am for eight weeks. 
He's tall, good-looking, middle-aged man (he's 38 and let's just say that he looks his age or maybe slightly older because of his built too). He has piercing blue eyes and it's quite apparent that he has had his own share of women. Not bad, right? 

I seldom ask for info about guys I date or I hook up with (To women reading this, do not imitate this!!!). Anyway, I later found out his complete name anyway and complete address. 

I met D.G. in an online dating site I have been frequenting these past few months. He's not my type physically, especially if I were to base it on his profile picture there. Clearly not my type but there was something  about him that prodded me to send him a message. And I did. He promptly responded and proceeded to ask me what I was looking for in the site. I told him and apparently we are/were on the same page: just someone easy (to be with) and fun. We then exchanged messenger apps details and continued getting to know each other there.

Our conversation was pretty straightforward --- asking about some personal stuff then asking about physical and sexual stuff. Pictures were then sent and the interest was still there and mutual.

What ensued were sexy, provocative, and adult-content type of messages between us. It was cute and sexy. And it was good that he understood that I didn't like cock pics too much --- I'd rather imagine on my own on what's beneath his shirt or underwear. 

We agreed to meet on a weekend but perhaps his excitement was too much he begged that we meet on a Friday. I had another thing with some friends but he was willing to wait. He also had a thing with co-workers but he decided he will not join them in the next venue. 

It was almost midnight when I finally was on my way to his area. He kept on asking me to "decide now" etc and since I was also somewhat curious as to how he will be in bed and a bit horny too then so I decided I will really go to where he is. I am running low on battery so I only messaged him to confirm that I am indeed on my way and he should pick me up at his station. 

I should have taken those messages as a sign of not-so good things yet I did not. I lost count of the number of times I told him that I am running low on battery but I will be there. I switched off my phone and once I checked, a wave of messages from him came again. This time asking why I wasn't replying and whether I will go or not. I told him again that I am on my way and just very low on battery hence I switched it off. I told him that I am like 30 minutes away and already on this train line. He said okay. So I thought that was already clear. 

I had to make one more change before his stop so I decided to save my battery again and switch off my phone. I then told myself that I will just switch it on once I am on the line going to his station. I was calm since I (1) already told him I am on my way; (2) he acknowledged it; and (3) he said he will wait for me at the station. 

As soon as I got off the previous train line, I practically ran to my last train line which is three stops to his station. As soon as I am seated, I switched on my phone. Like before, I had a long list of messages (which I initially thought might have been mis-sent to me). One message even had a lithany of him talking with his Mom etc. It was later on that I realized he was apologizing why he cannot (or can no longer) pick me up from the station coz of this and that. Of course, I was furious. The nerve of this guy asking me to go a long way and the least thing he could do was fucking pick me up from his station! 

I am normally not a very demanding woman but this guy has stretched my patience thin. I then messaged him, "pick me up from the station." I was this close to saying or else I will leave but I am down to my 2% battery plus there were no more trains and I was in a place where I don't know anyone. To make things worse, it started to drizzle. And in my mind, I was like this guy better be fucking good in bed or else...

Since I know that he will be coming from where he lives, I decided to might as well freshen up in the bathroom and take my time. He then sent me a barrage of messages (this guy does not stop, I tell you) giving me instructions etc. I ignored his messages and finally just read them as soon as I'm done with my retouch. He was (again) giving me instructions to start walking to his direction so we could just meet halfway and again I replied tersely that no, I will not walk. I will wait for him at the station. I told him again how it's the least thing he could do especially since my an hour or so travel. 

He replied to me if I was complaining. I breathed before I composed my reply. I said, "I travelled all the way here, does it look like I didn't want to be here. Please just pick me up." But then in my mind I was like, fuck you, old asshole. Technically he isn't that old but since I have gotten used to dating younger guys plus my dislike for him at that moment was at an all-time high, I was cursing him in my mind. 

He messaged me that he is on his way and he asked me to start walking as well. I sighed. I was already tired and was not in the mood to argue anymore. I then started walking and following some of the steps he said. I also repeatedly asked him where he was. His standard reply: "I am on my way." Defeated, I started walking past the 711 and crossed the small bridge he described. Thinking he lives in one of those buildings nearby, I then sent him another message. He replied: "I am very near and asked where I was." I told him I was already at the end of the bridge. I also messaged him: "I'm tired." He said he is too.

Finally and after what seemed like forever, I get a message from him. "Walk further; I can already see you." And the only thing I saw was a light from a phone and then he seemed to wave it to me. I then slowly walked towards him. 

He is taller than I imagined him to be. He said he's 6'1 but my guess is he's probably 6'3. He has an intimidating presence (which had I known then I wouldn't 'bully' him coz he can probably beat my ass anytime lol). As we walked toward his house, there was an initial, awkward silence. He then broke the ice by telling him about his Mom's call. I then proceeded to console him it'll be okay, she'll be okay. I also couldn't help but notice how he kept on looking at me, maybe to find out if I'm fuckable enough or not...LOL

His place (I later found out it's a two-story house) was not so near; maybe around 12 minutes from the station. I normally don't complain with walks but I had a long day not to mention slightly pissed off at him. But what am I to do...His place clearly shows he hasn't been in the country that long, aside from the fact that he lives alone and single. 


~to be continued here


★ Piper ★