the Drayber

Have you ever sat and reflected on some things you've done or decisions you've made which you wish you hadn't? I am not saying this is one of those things but I think perhaps it'd be something I would have done differently. 

Growing up, I was not really a goody-goody girl but I am no black sheep. I have always been proper enough when my parents need me to act 'appropriately' (whatever that means). Thankfully (and in spite of toxic environment from people I have met or been with) I was not into any vice. So this experience might be a surprise. 

Sometime five years ago, my siblings and I had someone to drive us around. Actually, it was more for my younger siblings but there were instances that my parents insisted that I have one too since I was usually sleepy after I was done with my corporate work then. That's where Jon will come in. The first time I saw Jon, my thought was like, "F*ck not a good-looking guy please!" From afar, he already looked good in my eyes. Closer, he was better looking. I thought to myself, "good luck." 

He immediately started the following day. I was never used to stuff like this so I went on to immediately sit in front. For me, he wasn't an employee. He was a person. So being the talker that I am, I made small talk. He was engaging and funny. A bit shy and hesitant in the beginning but the more we talked, the more relaxed we were. This went on over the next few weeks. (Keep in mind that during this time, I was still in a relationship. My ex knew about the driver coz he knew my parents were the ones who concerned about it.) To be honest, I kind of enjoyed it since I can rest in the car on the way home or I can meet with friends after work. 

Jon and I became close. I never treated him as a "driver" so if I buy food for take out for myself, I buy him the same stuff or ask him what he wants. He'd always say though, "wag na po," "I'm okay," "busog pa po", and the like. But soon he became more specific and would say what he wants but it'd be typically the cheapest on the menu. Like what I said, he's easy on the eyes so seeing him practically everyday makes my day. 

We reached a point where we already talked about our respective relationships. That time, mine was at a point where it was just "steady": everything has been a routine between my then bf and I. Sadly, the sexy time wasn't as often as I wanted partly because we planned not to have kids yet. Jon too had a girlfriend then. Interestingly enough, he candidly said that I remind him of his girlfriend. He didn't know that I took note of that bit of information . It was a slip that I will not forget.

One Friday night, my friends and I decided to meet for dinner and perhaps "2 bottles" for them since I rarely drink. So as soon as Jon picked me up, we went straight to Greenbelt where I will meet my friends. Thankfully, he looked presentable than usual that night. I told my friends I had a "driver" and they just told me I can easily just ask him to eat nearby. I told him he's not so far from our age and he's 'cool' so he can join us, I think. My friends said okay. So we parked and then went to the place. One of my friends immediately took a liking to Jon as soon as she saw him. She then said if I was messing around with him. I said no and then I remember my friend muttering, "why not...he's yummy-looking." I have to admit when she said that I felt somewhat annoyed. 

...That night, I decided that I'll drink since someone will drive anyway. As I was enjoying the night away with my friends and yes, even with Jon, my then boyfriend sent me a text message. From the looks of it, it seems he's in the mood to pick a fight with me. And I was too. I already forgot what it was about but I think the petty quarrel became bigger until I stopped replying to his messages completely. 

I started drinking and drinking more that even my friends were asking me if I was okay. I nodded then forced a smile. The whole time this was going on (me and my ex fighting), my friends were already "grilling" Jon. And my friends really do know how to grill someone. My friend directly asked him if he is married or in a relationship. He answered the latter. She followed-up by asking if he ever cheated. He said, "not yet." That response made my friend's eyebrows shot up. She then prodded him, "not yet?" and added, "so may plans ka?" Interestingly, Jon did not say no. Hmmm...

The night went on in a blur. And I soon found myself saying goodbye to my friends. Pero, ayaw ko pang umuwi. Mind you, wala pa akong "maitim" na balak. Ayoko lang muna umuwi. Defensive na ba ako? hahaha. Going back sa story, I told Jon that gusto ko pa uminom to which he was surprised. Since I seldom really drink, I think he already had a feeling that I was already feeling a bit buzzed. Nonetheless, he followed my order. We parked at Shell in BGC, the one near the Jollibee and Starbucks. I just asked him to buy some more booze. As soon as he got back, I drank a bottle maybe in two or three gulps. Then sumandal ako which, is not a good idea. I started getting dizzier than the usual. Medyo bits and bits of info yung napag-uusapan namin ni Jon but I know that umabot na cya sa relationships etc. 

He asked me if may problem daw ba ako since I don't usually drink. Sabi ko wala. I then told him that I just miss being intimate. As soon as I blurted it out, I regretted it. Pero nasabi ko na e. (My then bf and I both agreed to medyo bawasan ang "moments". Since this ex and I broke up, itinaga ko sa bato that this rule WILL NEVER happen again hahaha). 

Suddenly, Jon seemed more handsome in my eyes. I stared at him and realized na light brown pala mata nya at mahaba ang pilik mata. Then I placed my hand over his. Tumahimik cya bigla. I wondered, parang hindi cya gulat. Parang he knew this would happen or maybe he expected it too or even better, maybe he hoped it too? At that moment, I was flattered kasi nga pogi naman so keri na. I lifted my right hand at hinawakan ang mukha nya. My thumb grazed lower lip. Ang pula. Napapikit yata ako nito. 

As if napaso ako, I immediately removed my hand from his face pero kinuha nya ito --- hinawakan ang kamay ko, HH style then pinisil. In fairness, lambot ng kamay ni Jon ah. Alta ang kamay  Yung isa ko kasing dinate dati e ang lakas maka-S ng kamay --- lakas maka-sandpaper hahaha. Holding hands lang kami ni Jon. He was quiet and so was I. I was wondering how it would feel to kiss him. 

I didn't let my wonder linger...

I then looked at Jon and slowly inched my way closer to him. No longer hesitating, I kissed him. Softly. Enjoying bit and bit his soft lips. Thankfully, he wasn't anaconda-like when he kissed; in fact, it felt like a boyfie kiss. Gets nyo yun? Sweet. Soft. Caring. Lakas maka-virgin. 

I think we kissed for a good five minutes or so. Ang sarap. Soon after that, we went home na and yes, he held on to my hand if he wasn't busy driving.

That night was the beginning of something I wished hadn't happened but hey, all of us learn from our mistakes, right? 

I have another story about Jon next time...

★ Piper ★